is my favourite song by Whitney Houston, rest in peace Whitney, you never should have married Bobby Brown.
Did you see what I did there?
I gave you a juicy outrageous headline to get your attention, to make you interested, but it was really just bait to get you into my nutritional, ranting lair of searing honestly and irony (and there is going to be loads of ranting and honesty in this newsletter, because frankly, this week has highlighted how blindly educated many of the public are and sadly many Chiropractors too).
The media loves nothing more than fear, it sells as well, maybe a bit better than a sex scandal, depending on how sexy the people involved are.
Deserted streets, empty shops (no toilet roll left, does corona make you s**t yourself?), zombies on every street corner, military lockdown, a bit of a cough, just a few examples of what coronavirus will do to us.
Personally I have spent thousands on stockpiling kombucha, kimchi, sushi, organic grass-fed venison and raw chocolate covered raisins in order to ensure my aggressively middle class comfort is not compromised one iota.
I simply won’t accept it.
I know that might seem selfish on the surface, but actually as many Chiropractors on Facebook are pointing out, Chiropractic is the ultimate treatment for corona virus. They quote many scientific references to prove it, taken from the 1919 Spanish flu outbreak.
These clearly PROVE patients receiving Chiropractic care were way less like to die in 1919, a time when the recording of authentic data was notoriously reliable.
It’s a FACT that ONLY Chiropractors are trained to detect, locate and correct subluxations.
Now you could argue all the references used to prove this are actually about Osteopathic manipulation and likely about as reliable as a chocolate teapot.
But we would really be doing our patients a disservice not to bend the truth a bit in order to get more patients in and adjusted – the ends justify the means.
So if I maintain my peak flow state with a steady stream of organic nutrients and fermented fluids, I can adjust even more patients, push my patient visit average (PVA) up into the thousands, thereby prove what a true wellness based ChiropracTOR I am, virtue signalling to everyone on Facebook, whilst endlessly reposting articles I haven’t read properly to check they aren’t actually full of total b***ocks.
Or I could suggest you actually use some nutrients well researched on the immune system, like zinc acetate lozenges:
or vitamin D:
So what have we learned from the corona outbreak?
– The media love to sell fear (and sex, or even better, sexy fear) and the public lap it up (and buy excessive toilet roll).
– Shiny new object syndrome applies to viruses as well as consumable goods. Sure the boring old influenza that goes around every year kills thousands of old & vulnerable people every year, but that is old news and we love new, sexy viruses with names a bit like a foreign lager, much more exciting !!
– Some Chiropractors really talk a lot in their ideological echo chamber, are masters of over-promising and under-delivering and embarrass the rest of us in public.
– I am probably addicted to kombucha and need help (the first step in recovery from fermentation addiction is to admit you have a problem).
– Always keep a f**k ton of anti-viral supplements in your cupboard – Vitmain A, D, C, Lysine, zinc acetate lozenges & monolaurin.
And as always don’t waste those valuable adjustments,